My Experience As A Parent
Before getting married, I used to hear two notions about parenting all the time from my parents. One of them was that parenting was actually easy, while the other was that it was really hard being a parent. I often wondered how it is that they made in the same breath two contradictory statement about the same thing. However, as a parent I now understand what they mean. I've grasped the reason why they had to stop me from doing too many thoughtless things which didn't make sense to me at the time. Of course, I always argued and argued against their interference. As a parent, I understand now the hard situations my parents had to go through, everything they sacrificed just so they can provide me with education and other necessities of life.
Sometimes they even went out of their way to make ma happy.
There is this joy and happiness which comes into our lives with the birth of our babies, a certain joy that cannot be contained. There is the love that follows each birth. We become excited and are happy to have someone small to protect and care about.
With the birth of our children, our priorities change. We give up too many comforts, so many things that we enjoyed as new couples. One of these things we give up is our sleep. Our lives become centered on our babies and they are in everything we do.
In almost every sentence we make we include "our babies". Our time becomes someone else's. We make arrangements to take them to the places where we go. And because of that we do not permit ourselves to go to all the places want to. Looking back now, I realise why my parents hardly get the things they want. They give up on buying those things just because of us. They realise that whatever choice they make would affect us, so in stead they let us affect their decisions.
Parents go to places they would normally have no business going to because of their children. Most of them are forced out of their comfort zones. They find themselves attending programs that will help them become better Parentsneed for their children. Their social lives dwindles and sometimes totally become extinct. Some mothers decide to quit their jobs so they can look after their children better. They give up promotions, recognition and their careers because the children demands attention.
How To Achieve Success In Parenting
Most times, parents are not really interested in the day to day activities of their children. They do not ask questions. They expect the children to learn by themselves the way they did. The truth of the matter, however, is that we can't keep making the same mistakes as our parents.
In order to be in the memory of our children, we need to live in their "now". Simple questions like " how was your day?" "Do you like your friend?" "What do you think of this person?" will make them open up to us in more ways than we can imagine. It is through this way that we can advise them. Pieces of advice given in this way tend to make more impact than when you just call a child out and begin a long series of tiring advice where nothing registers.
Instead of coming to them all the time and bothering their lives with what you think they should do, you make them come to you. This singular action of genuine interest in whatever they are doing, what they think about something, and what they would do if they find themselves in some situations will help you create the bond that you need very much without much work.
This is because interest goes both ways. The more you show them you are interested in what they think, the more they want to know what you think about something that is bothering them. They would come to you without any prompting and lay bare the secrets that no amount of threat would reveal.
This is how you create person to person time with your children. Being a successful parent will make you watch football which you had no business watching before. It will make you love volleyball and learn things about dancing if those are things your children are interested in.
Of course you can decide not to disturb yourself learning these things, but that is where the line is drawn between a successful parent and just a parent. One shows genuine interest, the other just got horny and had children.
Also asking your children what they think about certain things bothering you will create an unbreakable bond. They will see themselves as important in the same way you see them. And you really have to see them as important if you want them to be important.
The more your behaviour shows them what you think of them, the more they act that way. It is psychological. You have to decide if you want to be a parent or just one of the people causing the earth to fill up faster than it came into being. But that is entirely up to you.
Treats would not be bad at all. There is not a child in the world that does not like treats. However, if you want this to be stamped on their memories it has to be a surprise. Which is why you have to show interest in what they do and learn what they like and what they do not like.